Anonymous Icon

Why are we drawn to certain people?

Posted Dec. 26, 2011 by Searching4 in Open

commented on Dec. 31, 2011
by ProtectiveAngel



I really need help with this one. I have discovered my husband of 39yrs has Aspergers. Total lack of empathy, mind blindness, regimented living style, obsessive interests. Why me, I ask? There is always a reason why we are drawn to certain people in our lives. I'm hedging on the fact that I am too far on the opposite spectrum and need 'pulling into line'. Is this too simplistic? It is common for a Neuro Typical partner to become part Aspergers in a sort of form. Maybe it is to develop other strengths? Thanks for any thoughts on this one.

  • ProtectiveAngel Dec 31, 2011

    Oh, you mentioned my wife. Yes it develops strength in other areas. Think of it as, your the north pole and she is the south pole. My wife has made me understand her position on nearly everything. FOR THAT I'M TRULY greatful to her for that. It has OPENED MY MIND into viewing multiple ideas for each situation. Now I always think of other ideas to get to the same end result. The end result is important, not the path to get there.

  • Saoirse Dec 30, 2011

    If you married the man, and have lived with him for 39 years, then you must have known all along that he has these traits. So, the question I would ask myself, if I were in your position is, why does the label matter? Why was he acceptable to you for all these years and then suddenly, the fact that someone put a name to his personality type makes it a crisis? I wouldn't let something as simple as a label ruin your life.

  • Anonymous Icon

    tucca Dec 29, 2011

    I don't think you are being to simplistic. I think we are drawn to certain people because they fill some type of void in us. Maybe your husband fulfills a need in you to help him develop what he lacks, and maybe he teaches you to not give everything inside of you too freely? (This question just based on your statement that you were on the opposite spectrum of him.)
    Whatever reason, the fact you have stayed with him for 39 years attests to a true connection of some sort. Do you really need to know why?

Stay in touch with IONS